fucking nonsensical trials

yes,
i am not hiding the fact
that i have been down alleyways of
too much use truth be told.
my cluttered heart plunged into loving
and blurred the distinction
between straightforwardness
and zipping buttons undone.

and hell yes
i'm declining to reenter doorways unaccustomed to my
overzealousness...
and sit before a family
of inferior to none-but-god,
and stand while standards
not my own are judging
me not right.

and fuck yes
i refuse, with abhorrence, to unfold my hands and slash
wrists in hoped
forgiveness
but not forgiven..
and be driven
with repentance faked for scrutiny of
those feathered fluffs of non-emotion
emotionally boggled by my current passivity.

oh yea,
and with them looking on a
cruel,
blatantly naked smile grows
just because i want it to.